-I never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better days
Days when I still felt alive
I couldn't wait to get outside
The world was wide, too late to try
The tour was over, I'd survive
I couldn't wait till I got home
To pass the time in my room alone-
-'Adam's Song', Blink 182

-I put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
For all this
There's only one thing you should know

I tried so hard and got so far
But in the end, it doesn't even matter
I had to fall, to lose it all
But in the end it doesn't even matter-
-'In the End', Linkin Park

-Chapter Three: Zim -Jaded-

Consciousness comes slowly, brings pain. Pain so intense the dimensional plane seems to shift around me, leaving me groping for purchase, anything to hold onto, to keep my sanity. It would frighten me...if I weren't so used to it. Physical pain has been with me longer than I care to think about.

I push the anguish down, till it becomes a dull throbbing that I can ignore. It's amazing the control a being can have over their own body. 'Mind over matter', as the humans say.

Where am I? Last I remember, that...-woman- had me. I can't help but shudder. Is she still here? I lie still, assessing my surroundings. No sound; no rustle of pristine white labcoat, no infuriating click of heels. There's no presence in the room, and I crack open one eye, bracing myself. But instead of the lancing sharpness of the operating room lights, there's only darkness, only a shadowed ceiling to fill my view.

How long has it been since I've been in the dark? That damn room they kept me in, the labs, all were filled with light. Except for the halls, the last months have been blindingly bright. I can't still be in the lab...

Wait, before I passed out...there was someone there, someone else. Someone caught her? Am I back with them? Any minute now Dib will probably walk in, ranting about how that woman almost ruined a perfectly good alien.

But if I'm with them, why is the surface under me soft?

I try to turn over, which only renews that irritating little agony from earlier, so I settle for turning my head. A thick, cushy substance is on my left; a navy pillow. To my right, a massive stand with a TV and various game systems. The systems aren't familiar, though I recognize the names from a much more pleasant period of my life.

Obviously, I'm not in the labs anymore. Could it possibly...

A light, rhythmic tapping noise starts up. If I strain I can just barely make out a blue-gray wall some distance past my feet. There's a window with the shades pulled back; fat drops of rain spatter the glass, the source of the tapping.

Rain, water, dripping, incessantly dripping. I can feel the burn, phantom pain of countless experiments. They tried to break me, pushed my tolerance, and even after I was forced to succumb they pressed on, relentless. A dull ache spreads through my forehead but I can't tear my eyes from the water, can't keep myself from trying to follow the path of each and every drop, from feeling them trail a fiery path down my chest, burning my skin-

"Ahem."

I literally jump, ending up in a sitting position which sets my chest afire for real. But pain doesn't matter, not when I see her. She's leaning against the door jamb, to the right of the couch I'm laying on, arms crossed over her chest. She's still dressed in blacks and grays. Purple hair still clings around her face and curls against her neck, shining despite the dim light. She doesn't smile, but her dark, kohl-lined eyes are open, and amusement flickers somewhere in their depths.

At this moment, she's the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

My voice is hoarse when I finally manage to use it. "How did you..."

"Does it really matter?"

I shake my head. Irk, how I missed her. "Simply an attempt to reassure myself. This isn't too far from my dreams, and I don't want to be too disappointed if I wake up."

She smirks and disappears down the hall. Without the distraction of her presence, the pain makes itself known again, and I look down to see a large bandage across my chest. That human cut me. I wonder how bad it is. It sure feels bad enough.

I scoot back and collapse against the arm of the couch as my strength leaves me. All of a sudden I'm exhausted, I'm aching...and I'm free. I've never felt better.

"If you mess up my first aid job with all that squirming I'll have to redo it. And this time I'll use plenty of disinfectant. Stinging, burning disinfectant."

I didn't hear her coming, any more than I heard her the first time. Gaz has got to be the only person on this planet that's that quiet. And she should be, considering she's spent most of her life trying to avoid people. A black blanket appears, seemingly from nowhere, and the moment it covers me I realize I'm cold.

Deft hands are suddenly behind my back, pushing me to sit up long enough for one to slip a few pillows behind me. The blanket slides into my lap, and I pull it back up as I relax into the cushions. After a moment Gaz finally comes into view, holding a small tray. She sets it in front of me, using one hand to steady the bowl sitting on it. Wisps of steam rise from the broth inside, curling into the air. I lean over and let them warm my face before lifting the spoon and taking a sip.

"My compliments to the chef."

"I'll tell Mr. Campbell." She sits on the end of the couch. A smile flashes across her face, but is gone all too quickly. "Zim...I..."

"Master?" An inquisitive voice drifts down the hall, a very familiar one. It can't be though, he was deactivated, wasn't he?

The shock must be evident on my face, because Gaz smiles at me again and pats the blanket before calling, "I'm in here, GIR." He appears in the door, not wearing his disguise, clutching a plastic moose toy.

"Master! Mr. Scolex Moose wants to go play in the-" His eyes go wide as he recognizes me. Suddenly my arms are filled with one very happy robot.

"Master! Master Master Master! Yaaaay Master's back!" By the Ta...This feels so good. I let go, and just hold him, ignoring the protestations of my injuries. One of the worst parts of my captivity was thinking he was gone, deactivated or destroyed. I can't believe...

"Master! Other Master took care of me! Now I got TWO Masters! And Mr. Moose, Master, meet Mr. Scolex Moose. Mr. Scolex Moose likes you, Master, wanna play with Mr. Scolex Moose?" Reluctantly, I let him go, and content myself with watching him. His cyan 'eyes' are shining and he's got the biggest grin on his face, as he holds his little plastic moose out to me. Behind him Gaz is...crying? This is certainly a day for unusual occurences. I wondered if she were even able to cry. Then I realize similar tears are running down my own face.

"You got me out of there AND you've saved GIR. How did you..."

"We helped you 'scape-ded, Master! There was a bad lady, and lights, and tunnels in tha' ceiling, and- and I got to wear a hat!" He jumps to the floor, acting out the 'scape', then climbs back on my lap.

Gaz smiles at him, a smile filled with affection. Another strange thing to see, coming from her, but I'm definitely not complaining. "GIR was a big help. Life would have been boring without him around." For a moment her eyes darken, something I can't decipher passing behind them. I make a mental note to ask her about it later.

"Master, Mr. Scolex Moose wants to play!"

I give GIR another hug, still trying to reassure myself that he's actually here. "Well GIR, there is one thing I haven't done in a while." I catch Gaz's eye. "You up for a little tournament?"

The old competitive grin comes back. "Just name the system. I haven't had a challenge in too long."

_____

After several rounds of an amusing game called 'Extraterrestrial Doom', and the deaths of many polygonal humans at the hands of vicious aliens, I send GIR off on an errand, leaving me and Gaz alone. At first she continues to play, and as we talk she refuses to meet my gaze. Finally I can't take it anymore.

"Gaz, what's wrong?" I almost growl at her. Her back stiffens, then she reaches over and turns the game off.

"I'm sorry."

It catches me by surprise, but when she looks at me I can now see that the darkness is guilt. "Gaz, you have no reason to be sorry. There was nothing you could've done."

Fire flashes in her eyes. "I got you out. I should've been able to get you out before. Before you had to go through that."

"And what then? Would you try to hide me? Try to go someplace new, to get another disguise?"

That stops her, and she stares at the floor, trying to fight what she knows to be true. "I hid GIR."

"They weren't hunting GIR."

"They won't come now. They're busy with the armada. And if they do come..." Her gaze is dangerous when she looks up, her mouth set in a grim line. "They're not going to hurt you again."

There's no response I can make. We sit for a while, quiet, neither willing or able to speak. After what feels like an eternity, she breaks the silence with a whisper, barely audible.

"Does Dib even know what he's done?" My thoughts turn to Dib, not as he was but as I've seen him for the past months. I've had ample time to dwell on his actions, and yet answers are still hard in coming.

"Dib knows. And yet he doesn't. I don't think he's allowed himself to see it yet."

She stares out the window, into the dark. "You know, after that night...he never called you by your name."

"It makes sense. If he can deny what he's done, deny to himself that I'm as much a person as anyone else, it makes it easier." My chest is hurting again, and a headache is slowly forming. "It's still Dib. That's the most painful part. If he weren't himself anymore, if he wasn't in control...but it's still Dib."

I don't want to think about this anymore. I don't want to think about him. As if sensing my thoughts, Gaz gets up and heads for the door. "I think we should move you downstairs. There's places in the lab, places only me and Dib could find."

"And if he comes?"

She doesn't answer.

_____

Disclaimer: Invader Zim belongs to the Almighty Thinnest, Jhonen Vasquez, and the winged monkeys of evil that head Nickelodeon. I do this only out of the deepest respect. Please don't sue me, I have only a couple thousand dollars in college debt to give.