Title: Despair Drives Me Hence

Author/Artist/Handle: Illuferret

Email/Website: it's not the author's E-mail but if you send feedback here, it'll

be received - juxiantang@hotmail.com

Category/Subcategory: Anime, Taboo/Abuse

Part: 1/1

Fandom/Series Name: Gundam Wing

Rating: NC-17

Pairings: Une/Zechs

Warning: This story contains a scene of sexual abuse. I mean it.

Please don't read it if such things offend you.

Despair Drives Me Hence

Zechs climbed the stairs to his apartment feeling twice his age. It was the

fourth anniversary of Treizes death. Or rather, Treizes suicide. This year

he felt the older mans absence even more acutely, if that were possible.

There was no war to occupy his mind, no terrorist groups planning attacks on

Mars base, no urgent crises in Cinq that demanded his presence. Nothing;

everything was quiet and people were getting ready to celebrate Christmas.

As though nothing had ever happened. Not the war, nor Treizes final

sacrifice that brought them peace. The way the world had returned to normal

in just a few years was utterly strange to him.

Perhaps it was his fault that he couldnt understand the ways the world

turned. Perhaps he was still living in the past and his battle scars were

not only on his body but on his mind and heart as well. Perhaps it was just

fair that he couldnt get on with these peaceful times, couldnt really

adjust to them and only pretend that he could.

After all, how could he? Sometimes when hed look up at the sky hed see it

burning with explosions and shattered metal; hed hear screams, people

calling his name as they died for him. He had brought nothing but death to

those who had followed him, nothing but death to those who had believed in

him and, worse of all, to those who had loved him.

He unlocked the door of his apartment leaning heavily on it as it slid open.

Why couldnt he have died as well? His death would have brought him

redemption and peace. But no, he had to survive the Libras explosion. It

wasnt fair. It wasnt justice. It wasnt even marginally gratifying. That

blast had left him with more than a couple of scars. It was as though his

life had been sucked out of his body, twisted in a thousand knots, leaving

only empty spaces behind and steel shards that cut him with every breath.

On second thought, perhaps he should get drunk, then drive out of the city

and crush on a tree or something. Perhaps he should try to die on a fire;

flames and he were old acquaintances. Or, maybe, just maybe, he could curl

under his covers and wait till the following day arrived, in the off chance

that he could die in the line of duty soon. That would probably make Relena

happy. Having a suicidal brother would be such a disgrace to the Peacecraft

family.

Zechs closed the door with slightly more pressure than was necessary. He

removed his coat and fumbled for the light switch but before he could reach

it, he felt a sharp nip in the back of his neck. What the He didnt have

time for more words. Everything spun madly around him and his legs refused

to support him further. Zechs had less than a second to wonder if that were

the end and even then he couldnt decide if he wanted that.

When he came around his mouth felt like someone had stuffed sawdust in it

and his head hurt like someone was nailing it through a layer of cotton,

fuzzy and throbbing at the same time. He opened his eyes but there was no

light. Alive then, he thought with a tinge of disappointment, and apparently

lying on his bed. There was no way of mistaking the softness of his duvet,

the hardness of his mattress, the slight scent of jasmine and bergamot

coming from the bowl placed on the nightstand. But the combination was

neither relaxing nor comforting at the moment since hed also realised he

was tied spread-eagle on his bed, naked.

Zechs stiffened as he felt someone pull the bindings that tied his legs

further, thus spreading him painfully open. What do you want? he said,

shocked at the sound of his own voice. It was too loud in the silence of his

apartment and too hoarse, as though he hadnt spoken in weeks.

Shut up, a strangely familiar voice grated.

Who are you? Why this? He focused on the shuttering pain inside his head

to push the panic away from his mind.

Because you deserve this.

The voice had an edge that was too familiar. He ought to be able to place

it, if only he could concentrate on that and not on the sensation of hands

raising him upwards to place a couple of pillows under the small of his

back. What do you want? Zechs insisted. Pillows there? It couldnt mean

What do you think, Preventer Wind? Or should I say Miriard Peacecraft? Or

maybe Zechs Marquise? Nails raked the inside of his thighs and he tensed

further. The voice of a woman.

I think youre insane.

Brave words. The nails bit into his flesh. She must have drawn blood, so

deeply did he feel her scratch.

What do you want?

What do you think?

The tone of her voice. Like puzzle pieces locking together, like doors

slamming inside his head realization struck. Lady Une?

Yes.

Why?

Because you took him away from me and then you killed him, thats why, she

cried, her nails sharp on the sensitive skin of his scrotum and going

further down. If he thought he was tense before, Zechs now felt his spine

was about to snap from the pressure. He couldnt move down or away and the

slight upward motion that was left to him only made the pain in his lower

back worse.

He could only try to reason with her. I didnt, he said with all the

conviction his pain and his alarm gave him, even though he had often thought

the same, that he was responsible for Treizes death.

Youre lying. She pressed her nail against his opening and he clenched. I

want to know what you gave him, she said calmly as she scraped her nail

almost delicately around the tight muscle. I want to take what you gave

him, she continued, pushing and the slight annoyance he felt at her touch

turned into sharp pain.

I gave him nothing, he lied.

She snorted and pushed her finger inside him. He gasped, feeling his anus

sting as she penetrated him. I wonder if that means youre tight enough.

Ive never done this, you understand, she said in that same cold voice.

This wont make you feel better.

She twisted her finger. He felt sliced. You think? You betrayed

Treize-sama, you hurt him when you left and you led him to his death. It is

only right that I punish you for your treason.

By raping me? If only he could hold on to his anger

Lady Une laughed. This isnt rape. This is punishment. She thrust her

finger further. And I need to satisfy my curiosity. What is it he saw in

you? Is it this? She removed her digit forcefully and, before he could gasp

at the abrupt, sharp pain, she shoved two fingers inside him, tearing him.

Treize would never agree with this, he said shakily. He felt as though his

whole focus had narrowed down to the pointed, stinging pain inside him. Pain

burned away his anger, destroyed his desperation, drove out even the raw,

hurting sensation of the headache.

She ignored him. Do you know how vulnerable you are? How many ways there

are to hurt a naked body? She cackled; a dry, stabbing sound that made him

shiver. I could even take my pleasure of you.

Zechs shuddered and inhaled sharply.

But no, I dont want you to please me. That would be too easy. She removed

her fingers and touched his belly with them. Zechs felt something wet and

sticky as she trailed them on his skin. Blood.

I just want to feel what you feel like. But I cant. She sounded truly sad

at the idea, disappointed with herself for being herself. Not that he could

pity her. She pinched his left nipple, grasping it tightly between her thumb

and her index finger. She applied more and more pressure, pulling the small

nub as farther away as she could. Is this pleasurable?

He moaned and shut his eyes. He didnt want to see her faint silhouette lean

over him. A piercing pain, starting from the edge of his nipple and

extending to the rest of his body, blinding, agonizing, sharp, made him

gasp. He tried to jerk free, but his bonds were too tight. All he managed

was to pull his muscles, adding more pain to an already existing inventory

of agony.

A second needle pierced the same nipple, sending new signals of anguish

throughout him. Where were the endorphins? Why couldnt his mind interfere

and release him, or at least lessen his pain? He could count eight specific

places from which he was burning, white-hot agony starting from them in

waves that slashed his veins and muscles open. When would this end?

I could do the same here, she said as her fingers took hold of his other

teat, but that wouldnt be amusing. Instead, he felt heavy, jagged teeth

close around his flesh. The pain was unbelievable, more intense even than

the piercing needles.

But what I really want to do is this, she said far too calmly.

Zechs felt a blunt, thick object at the edge of his entrance. You dont

have to do this.

Or what? You wont press charges? She snorted.

Yes. Panic had set in. It was obvious in his voice, in his trembling as he

tried to pull away, in his wide-open eyes. It was even obvious in his sweat.

Please.

You wont press charges, she said with authority and pushed the object

inside him.

It was tearing him apart with its thickness. She shoved it mercilessly,

inexorably and his body could hardly resist her insistence. Zechs could see

the pain coursing through him: deep red waves with white-hot core exploding

inside him, their fragments bursting through, till all of his body felt

splintered and shattered, his parts melting in a searing sea of agony. He

wasnt certain if he was screaming or not; his throat felt tight and

constricted, covered in plaster. And if it werent for the pressing darkness

of each breath, he wouldnt be sure he was breathing either. Inhalation,

stabbing, exhalation, thrust, exploding, oh god, his pain in brilliant

colors that burned. God they burned.

Something gave in, inside, somewhere, but he was nothing but the sum of his

pain and his mind trapped behind bars of agony to be able to tell what had

happened. Flames were fast, explosions were merciful, broken ribs just made

certain movements hard and breathing Zechs tried for a moment to think of

previous injuries but she kept pushing that thing inside him and his agony

never stopped. He couldnt even focus on her words.

Is that what Tight, I suppose Treize must have seen this should have

Fragments of her speech, crashing over him like rocks, hurting. Everything

hurt. He was split open by this hurt, he must have been bleeding, open,

apart, collapsing under the weight of his pain into a dark chasm.

Beauty is How does it feel I wish I were

For a split second the piercing pain stopped. She couldnt push it any

further. Zechs didnt dare breathe; he knew what was going to happen next.

Lady Une didnt wait. She started pulling it out, the process just as

painful. He felt dizzy under the ebbing and flowing of his agony, heavy and

anchorless, drowning, wishing to be lost.

Hurts?

Pain made him reckless, careless. Bitch.

Her nails on his chest, a slight burning sensation compared to what he going

through. Zechs laughed. What else could she do? Kill him? Freedom means you

have nothing more to lose, a stray phrase hed heard somewhere, red as his

pain, bodies werent meant to endure.

Bitch, he said again with all the strength he had and her movement became

more forceful. Was she ripping him apart? Twisting his insides out? Pain was

becoming black now, tearing gaps inside his brain, dark whirling masses of

panic and red agony. Killing his body and his mind. Leaving nothing to hold

on to, nothing more to lose.

Is that the best you can do? he gasped as she shoved the dildo inside him

once again, searching for the words that would best strike her; make her

strike him as well. Youll never get what Treize had. You never had him,

bitch. If you had, youd know He choked, the pain he felt mingling with

the constant bleeding that mourning Treizes loss was. His touch, he

murmured, hotter than the sun. Hotter than the pain. Hotter than madness.

And perhaps he did deserve this pain after all; he did deserve to be opened

and torn and sacrificed to Treizes ghost. Perhaps she had had the right

idea after all, he thought, shrouded by the whirling darkness and the

numbing pain. The world was collapsing, he should die too. Death, comfort,

peace, please. Please, let it go, please. Please, please, kill me

*&*&*

He woke up in a private hospital room, hurting like hell. He closed his

eyes. Alive. In a hospital. No, there was no justice. There was a vase

holding roses beside him. White roses, death roses. And a letter underneath.

He took it with his left hand, feeling his arm exceptionally tender. Had he

dislocated it?

He opened the envelope, cringing at the familiar handwriting. Lady Une.

I hope youll get well soon. I was saddened to receive your resignation,

but I can understand that after your attack you may not feel comfortable

working with the Preventers any longer. We are still trying to find the ones

responsible for that heinous act but Im afraid that your testimony will be

necessary for the successful outcome of our investigation. Heres the

preliminary report.

Zechs put it down. He didnt need to read her report. Shed finally gotten

rid of him. And she neednt have forged his resignation; he would have

resigned anyway after what had happened.

But it hurt so much to know that she was right about one thing: he would

never press charges.

The end